Maliblog: Untouchablog.......in search of the 5th wife

This is how our minds work,
and we are unapologetic.

When you hear the word "lifetime", it may evoke thoughts of inspiration, accomplishments, the duration of one's existence and how limited and fleeting it is. Perhaps this word makes you pensive, and longing for days of the past so that you may have an opportunity to change the course of your own life, as there is only, in fact, a limited time in which to live it. Lifetime can also instill fear of the unknown, as when this lifetime ends, then what?

Well in my world, Lifetime will never end as long as it keeps producing ratings gold mines like "Untouchable: the Drew Peterson Story". That's right, on Planet Megz, the word Lifetime immediately sparks thoughts of a cable TV station overflowing with made for TV movies which are underestimated by so much of the population. While "Sexting in Suburbia" was a game-changer indeed, the one that really touched me, ironically enough, was Untouchable. One Miss Molly Reade determined the atrociousness that was the lack of marketing and hype that went into promoting this movie. Being the creative problem-solver (a MacGyver of parties if you will) that she is, decided to host a movie premiere party for this once in a "Lifetime" cinematic adventure. I choose to refer to my group of friends as "shirt people". I don't mean that we always wear shirts, because if you've ever knocked on Mollz' door in the middle of her nap, you know this to be untrue. What I intend to communicate to you is that we really get off on making shirts for any and every occasion we possibly can. What better time for a theme shirt than a Lifetime movie starring Rob Lowe? That is a rhetorical question, so refrain from seeking answers, obvi. A trip to Walmart yielded all the necessary supplies: blank shirts, iron on transfers, a printer and of course ninja turtle pants. This particular evening I explored a new career path, graphic design for t-shirts, amateur level of course. I took such pride in my work; Rob Lowe portraying Drew Peterson in full police uniform on the front of the shirt, various quotes from the movie including, but not limited to, "I like chocolate, and I like being married", "he has a right to know why they call me big daddy", "I'm fine, Drew just threw me into the TV, let's go make some more margaritas" and a multitude of other one-line gems. Mollz and I were lucky to have been able to commission ironing assistance from one of my most domestically gifted friends, Shad. After a minor struggle with the transfers, we proceeded to get our iron on. All transfers had been printed, so you can imagine my horror when I came to the realization that I had failed to utilize the "mirror printing" option, so all words on the t-shirts were, that's right, backwards. Fuck it, so are we, so it's fitting right? Well, fitting is a stretch for CJ, no pun intended. The solo Y chromosome in our cohort (a football player, mind you) was lucky enough to receive a shirt, a very tight, very inappropriately sized shirt. After the viewing of what I would consider to be an award-winning display of artistic reenactment of true events, we decided to wander down to our favorite watering hole, Cheap. Adorned with Rob Lowe's face and words that could only be read in a mirror (and only on your own shirt if you had the neck of an owl), we packed up our roll of tickets (which served to be quite the source of confusion to all at Cheap, employees and patrons alike) and hit the bar......well most of us, Carla decided to hit something else......the South Howard asphalt, hard. A night of celebrating the lesser-known homicidal Peterson went off without a hitch. Another successful, seemingly meaningless (to the general population) party was in the books. Now if you know us, you know the night certainly didn't end at Cheap. It ended where it began, with the addition of a few associates to include our favorite bartender/enabler, D. But, anything that happens after 3 am is relegated to exist only in our minds, definitely not on the interwebs.

Now, a final thought, I hope this blog entry has allowed you to become a bit more open-minded when it comes to word definitions and how you interpret them. I want you to have a takeaway lesson here. The next time someone offers you, perhaps, "an opportunity of a lifetime", and prefaces it with the aforementioned figure of speech, I hope it immediately conjures images, not of a successful life endeavor, or a Eurotrip rivaled by none, or a phobia-combating skydiving adventure. No, I hope when you are approached with "an opportunity of a lifetime", your mind immediately pulls up images of Rob Lowe and when the offerer of said opportunity asks you if it's something you may be interested in, please respond simply with, "I'm untouchable, bitch".